4/21/12 - Jenny... our Foster Child... I mean Dog

On the way to work yesterday, I told Ric, "Remember the day we brought Bodhi home?  It was pouring down the rain then too."  Ric shook his head and grinned at me saying, "You're something else."  Okay, so Jenny is going to be a dog we foster.  We're not adopting her.  (Shhhh... yet!)  I was eager to pick up Jenny from the animal shelter.  Two short visits and I knew I was falling in love with her.  Today we take her to our home and see how she and Bodhi get along when they're really together.

I took Bodhi with me to the shelter so he could be in on this every step of the way.  When we pulled up to the shelter and parked, Bodhi let out this little whimper and turned in his harness ready to get out of the car.  Was he thinking "Oh dang, not this place again." or "Oh boy, I get to see Jenny again!"?  I was hoping it was the latter.  I unhooked him, let him out of the car, and he went straight for the door to the shelter.  When the young man brought out "E-4" Bodhi walked to meet her and they sniffed each other again like long lost friends!  I had a good feeling.  The young man (wish I had gotten his name) said, "She's a really sweet dog.  Really sweet.  Hope it works out for her."  I said, "You're going to miss her aren't you?"  He replied, "No, ma'am.  I don't miss any of the animals that leave here.  'Cause I know they're getting the good home they deserve."  

We walked around in the rain a little bit so that Jenny could "do her business" and then got into the car.  Bodhi looked a little perplexed at Jenny being in the backseat with him, and again I wondered what he was thinking.  When we got home, I did not take them inside right away.  First I took them both for a long walk.  Jenny continued to pull on the leash really, really, really hard.  I can't believe the strength of such a small dog.  A lot of dogs at the shelter will do that, because they soooooo love being outside of their kennel and getting a chance to exercise.  But I can tell Jenny has not had any experience being on a leash other than at the shelter.  After walking for a while, Jenny grew tired and walked without pulling, except upon sighting an occasional squirrel.  She and Bodhi then walked side-by-side for the most part.  By the time we arrived back at the house, I could sense that Bodhi pretty much expected her to go inside too.  Mission accomplished.

When Jenny came inside the house, she just went crazy!  A good kind of crazy!  It was like... "This is a lot of space. What's in here? What's in there? Do I get all this AND food? Carpet! Ya gotta be kidding!"  (I amaze myself at how well I can read dogs' minds.)  And then she and Bodhi started playing.  At first I wasn't quite sure if it was playing or fighting.  Bodhi was uttering a soft growl, but it looked like they were wrestling, and Bodhi did not appear to be trying to hurt Jenny.  It occurred to me that he may have been telling her she was welcome to stay, but he was leader of the pack.  They took a water break... both of them taking a drink, and then both had their heads in the water bowl at the same time!  After that, no more growling, just pure play and sheer joy.  Bodhi has never been one to want to play much.  He ignores his toys, and won't retrieve a ball or anything we throw.  But now it looked like they were both in heaven.  Our house is laid out so that they are able to run around a circle and chase each other, and the living room provides plenty of wrestling space.  I had two tired dogs by the end of the day.  But what a great day it was.  Ric said they slept side by side throughout most of the night.

However.  It's going to be a while before our cats, Mokie and Dot, give their blessing for another dog.  I feel some major trickery coming on...

4/20/12 - Final Surgery

Bracelets... Where's the bling?

Yesterday was the final surgery in the series (of surgeries) necessary to treat my breast cancer!  One more thing to check off the list... my mental list.  I usually make lists for everything.  Ric just rolls his eyes.  I can proudly say that I didn't make an actual paper or iPhone list for the steps necessary to rid myself of cancer.  Or... did I?  As I write this, I realize my blog contains it all.  Mmmmmm... pretty well disguised list until now!

Before the 9:00 am surgery, I met with various nurses, the doctor, the anesthesiologist, etc. and finally the surgical nurse who entered the room saying, "And now I finally get to meet everybody's favorite patient!"  I was surprised, but she said, "Yes, really."  Well, I try to be easy to get along with and I realize how hard nurses work and appreciate the skill of physicians and anesthesiologists. After she left I was still pondering what she said... and then it occurred to me that it might not be because they thought I was nice. It might be because of the things I say while under anesthesia!  OMG!  I was determined to stay awake as long as I possibly could this time to guard what I said.  I remember going into the operating room and looking down seeing my sock-covered feet, and eager to see how much longer I could stay awake since I didn't feel sleepy at all yet, and then I... nothing!  Nada!  Not a thing.  I don't even remember getting drowsy.  Geez I hope I was entertaining again... or not.

The surgery accomplished what it was intended to do... remove the port used to deliver chemo.  However, I'm dealing with some minor problems I didn't expect.  I woke up in the recovery room coughing and with a sore throat.  The recovery room nurse told me that I coughed all throughout the surgery, and that my throat may be a little irritated because they had to suction it.  (She said what they aspirated was clear, which indicated there are no health problems that would have caused the coughing.)  The cough stopped after a while and I was released.  I've never had a coughing problem before, and feel that perhaps this episode had something to do with the anesthesia. 

Ric and I then made our usual trip to iHop for blueberry pancakes.  I was really hungry, but after the first few bites my throat hurt so bad I started to cry a little bit... and I was scared.  I drank iced tea, which was okay, but it was difficult to swallow.  I tried to eat a little more (because of this recording in my head that says we shouldn't waste food), but I could not.  So Ric finished his pancake, eggs and some of mine, and we went home.  I took Bodhi outside and then went to bed, hoping to sleep for an hour or so. 

I woke up at 6pm!  When I sat up in bed, I had a major wave of pain in the surgery site.  I don't recall what kind of sound I made, but it startled Ric.  Pills to the rescue, which helped the surgery pain, but didn't do much for my throat.  It was extremely sore and felt very swollen.  I could barely talk.  (Now that I think about it, that's probably why Ric was smiling so much!)  I was scheduled to work today, and was quite worried about not being able to talk.  You kinda have to do that when you work on the radio... writing on a dry erase board and holding it up just doesn't work very well.  I decided to quit worrying and just wait and see what the next day would bring.  Hopefully more than my diet of a cold banana and two popsicles.

Today, I woke up with pain only around the surgery site.  I also coughed again, but only for a little while. The pain I felt was where the bandage was adhered to the skin.  I couldn't wait until 10:00 which would have been 24 hrs after surgery, the time I was told to take off the pressure bandage.  At 9:00 I took it off, to find some large blisters where it was taped to my skin.  I don't know why this happened either.  They used the kind of tape that was not supposed to cause skin irritation.  I only had some of the same kind at home, which is what I had been using with no problem since the December surgeries.  For my new clean/dry bandage, I tried using it anyway, while avoiding the blisters.  Since a large area of my skin was red, even that hurt.  So I ended up using a row of regular bandaids.  Itching, but no pain.

I was hungry at work, but didn't have anything much there to eat, and my throat was still sore anyway.  At about noon, I ate a sugar-free jello.  Shortly after I started feeling nauseous.  It just got worse and worse and I panicked, because there was no one else there who could take over for me!  The panic only made matters worse, and I eventually went upstairs to the bathroom and threw up.  Sorry.  Yuck.  TMI.  But after that, I felt better! Still had kind of a gagging feeling from time to time, but better.

My other concern about being sick was that I was scheduled to pick up Jenny (the black beagle/cocker mix doggy) from the animal shelter after work.  So I was relieved when I started to feel better and knew Jenny wouldn't have to spend another night NOT at the foot of someone's bed!  (More about this in my next blog entry.)

When I got home I looked in my throat to see if I could see anything.  You know that little thing that hangs from the back of our throats?  The uvula?  It's swollen and laying on the back of my tongue.  No wonder I feel like I'm gagging.  Now that I know what is causing this feeling, it's a little easier to deal with.

One more thing for my list of complaints... pain is back in the surgery site because of significant swelling.  I'm using ice packs on that, which feels goooooood.  Until I take it off.  I wish I could just strap the ice pack on me, but the incision is just under my collar bone... and I don't have any bras big enough to go up that high.

4/19/12 - "Jenny"

Bodhi is a wonderful dog... we love him so much.  He and the cats have semi-bonded... about as much as I think they will.  They now can happily be in the same room together.  If they're in the bedroom, the cats will lay together on the bed and Bodhi under a table in the corner.  It occurred to me that he might be lonely while Ric and I are at work during the day.  So, several months ago, I started thinking about getting Bodhi a dog!

Now I knew it wouldn't be practical to have two dogs to care for while I was going thru chemo, but once that was over, I found myself thinking about it more and more.  The Kanawha Charleston Humane Association started posting pictures on Facebook of dogs available for adoption, and I started looking at the pictures... thinking after radiation I would get serious about looking for another dog to adopt.  But the pictures.  Those sweet little doggy faces looking through the cages.

I read the descriptions of the dogs, looking for one that was approximately the size of Bodhi, so that it would be easy to walk both of them at the same time.  I saw one dog named Jenny, but either I passed her over because she appeared too small or maybe I passed her over because I fell into the "black dog syndrome" trap. (Overlooking a black dog because eyes and fur are the same color, and a person doesn't get a real sense of personality or character of the dog.)  I honestly don't remember why she didn't register as a possibility at first. Then I saw her photo in the Sunday paper of available dogs... and under her picture, included in her description, were the words, "Very sweet.  She's been here since January.  Please help."  And I was hooked.  Jenny needs and deserves to be in a home!

Yesterday I went to the shelter to meet Jenny.  I followed Cesar Milan's instruction of "No talk, no touch, no eye contact" upon meeting a dog for the first time... allowing her to approach me first.  Susie, a volunteer at the shelter, and I walked to a fenced in area.  Jenny ran around for a while, ran to Susie many times, and eventually came to me.  I talked to her and petted her and we got to know each other a bit.  She went to play some more and ran to me a little later, putting her paws on my shoulder, licking my face and looked right into my eyes.  She stayed like that for a long time... until my legs cramped so much I had to stand up!  :-)  She is a very affectionate and loving dog.  She needs a family.

Today I took Bodhi to the shelter to meet his potential little sister.  This time I followed the advice of my friend, Vicki, and didn't talk to either dog at first.  Just took them both outside and walked to the fenced in area and let them get to know each other on their own terms.  It was no big deal... they both "used the bathroom," walked or ran around a bit, and sniffed a lot!  They didn't "hang out" together the whole time, but met up occasionally and sniffed the same patch of grass together.  Then we went for a walk.  It started out well on level ground, but when we started walking uphill on a little trail, Jenny pulled mightily on the leash.  I could not control her at all.  I have to be cautious about both my arms because of lymph node removal, so I turned around to go back to the shelter.  And downhill, Jenny walked perfectly in sync with Bodhi and I!  I met Cathy, another volunteer, at the bottom of the hill and she told me that sometimes the dogs just get so excited to walk after being in the kennel all day long.  So I tried again.  But same thing... strong pulling uphill, but okay going down.  Well, Bodhi pulled on the leash when he first came to us and I've trained him to walk at my pace alongside of me.  I'm confident that I can do it with Jenny too.  But I have to be realistic... if I develop lymphadema in either or both arms, I won't be able to walk the dogs at all.  So... I'm going to foster Jenny for a week and see if I can teach her to walk the way she needs to, or at least make enough progress to know it's possible.  It'll give us some time to see how Jenny and the cats react to her, and how she and Bodhi get along in the house.  If all goes well, then we will adopt her.  And if it doesn't work out, I'll make it my mission to find a good home for Jenny.  It was tough to leave her at the shelter today... but I'll go back and get her on Saturday afternoon. 

I'm looking forward to Saturday afternoon...

4/19/12 - A little surgery tomorrow

My sweet daughter, Jill, has reminded me that it's been since 4/3/12 that I've posted anything.  Since she may not cook for me when I go visit, I'm going to update now!  My first week after the last chemo was quite rough, but the next week... wow!  I was amazed at how good I felt.  This week, even better.  I'm still working on building up my stamina, but I've seen signs that it's coming back:  I no longer have to stop and rest walking up the hill from our house.  And I caught myself running up the stairs at work yesterday!  I can't tell you how good that made me feel!  Bodhi and I are back to walking at least 3 miles a day, sometimes 4, and I'm walking at a brisker pace... which makes my doggy very happy.

I still have moments of having to think about things that I do routinely, but they are very infrequent now.  The biggest problem I'm dealing with is swollen feet and ankles.  I had been drinking iced tea when it all started, and I've since given up caffeine, but they are still swollen.  I don't know what is causing it, or what to do about it.

Dr. Cohen gave me a prescription for Arimidex, the drug I will take for 5 years designed to prevent recurrences of hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer. 

Tomorrow morning, I go into the hospital for the minor surgery of removing the port that was inserted in my chest before chemo.  Yay!  Well not "yay" for surgery... but Yay! because I'm finished with chemotherapy and no longer need the port!

Next week, I have an appointment with my radiation oncologist and he will begin mapping the radiation plan.  I'm eager to get the radiation started... and finished! 

Okay, Jill... what's for dinner... and lunch... and breakfast?  No hurry... you have a couple months to plan my Mexican feast!

4/3/12 - Even if it's slow... it's still Progress!

All this, just to document the recovery from chemo:

Tuesday - I feel like I'm making progress and on the road to healing, despite some disturbing side effects.  Yesterday, I was still experiencing difficulty thinking, concentrating and focusing.  I found myself asking people to repeat things they were saying to me because I just could not grasp it.  I understood after the repeat, so that's was good!  I walked around most of the day feeling like I was in a fog, but by evening, the feeling had passed.  Grateful for that. 

I feel much clearer in my head today, although I have already had to ask someone to repeat what they said to me.  Things are getting better though.

My new side-effect is the numbness in my feet and hands.  Such a weird sensation.  I feel like I'm walking around on little wooden blocks, and my fingers just feel huge.  Only a feeling... no swelling.  I'm now starting to feel the numbness all over my body, including my face again.  I feel like a big ole puff ball!

Wednesday - Finished taking steroids on Monday evening, so no steroids in my system yesterday, which meant a very good night's sleep last night.  So good that I had a lot of trouble waking up.  I've dealt with severe fatigue today.  I was pretty much okay sitting down at work, but whenever I stood up, I was a little dizzy... also dealing with very numb feet and the entire backs of my legs have been numb today... making for difficult walking.  I've felt like I've been dragging my body around today!

Luckily, I know that once I get past this stuff, I'm finished with it!  No more chemo!  How in the world would I deal with 4 more? How did I deal with 8 the last time?  I suppose I wouldn't be thinking this way, if I actually did have 4 more to go... I'd be celebrating that I was halfway through.

Thursday and Friday - The numbness has turned to what is commonly called "tingling," but it's more like pins & needles, or that feeling we get when our leg "falls asleep."  I keep rubbing my hands to make it stop, but it doesn't go away.  I've had dry mouth for a few days after each chemo treatment and this one as well.  However, this time it's gone beyond a dry mouth.  Because the chemo drugs kill good cells as well as bad ones, I now have tiny little blisters on my tongue and my gums are very sore.  It makes it tough when your job involves talking!  (I'm using a toothpaste and mouth rinse called Biotene, which helps the discomfort somewhat, and hopefully will help my mouth to heal.  It's very expensive to purchase, but if you find yourself needing this, ask the cancer center if they have some samples!  Also, a prescription mouth rinse can be obtained, which I needed after having eight treatment six years ago.)

Saturday and Sunday - Got to sleep in an extra 3 hours each day!  Ahhhhhhh, like a little bit of heaven.  I feel a lot better... and my mouth is getting much better.  I like the way this is shaping up!

I realize there could be some more side-effects headed toward me that I forgot about, but today I really feel like I've gotten over the hump and am on the downhill side now.  People have therapy after a knee replacement, and rehab after a heart attack... so I'm thinking that I will devise my own "Chemo Rehab" plan!  I'm not quite sure what it will consist of, but I have thoughts running through my head... time and distance goals for walking to increase my stamina; weight-lifting exercises (dumbells) and push-ups, etc. to increase my strength, and dietary changes to lose the 15 lbs I've gained!  I'll work on that this coming week.  Chemo Rehab.  Yes.  Our bodies go through a lot during this treatment that my doctor says "is barbaric, but it's all we've got for now."  So I prescribe for myself a period of Chemo Rehab!

4/1/12 - Dogwoods & Taxes

Floating... spinning... wafting.  Cleaning... organizing... creating order out of chaos.  Wondering... will I ever be the "same" again... where am I... what do I do now?

What a strange day this has been.  I am grateful to have no pain or nausea today.  But I am wondering what's going on in my brain.  I feel disoriented and spacey.  As Bodhi and I were walking this morning, in our neighborhood where I walk 2-3 times every day, I suddenly found myself walking in unfamiliar territory... or so it seemed.  One part of my brain told me that I've walked on every street in this neighborhood and I had not suddenly been dropped somewhere else, and another part did not recognize where I was at all.  I wasn't frightened... I listened to the part of my brain that said I've been here before... and before long, we rounded the corner, and there was the view of the city that I adore. 

What was a bit frightening for a moment was the thought that I might now have brain damage!  Good grief!  Well, I can admit I'm not always functioning at the top of my game, chemo or not, but I quickly came to the conclusion that I'm experiencing the very real "chemo brain" side effect right now.  I'm dealing with the cumulative effects of four rounds of strong chemotherapy drugs.  This will pass.  It's not permanent.  It's a side effect.  Okay, so there... I'm normal. LOL!!!

This morning I was puttering around the house, cleaning, organizing, moving around the folder with the paperwork to do our income taxes... trying to find a place for it where I would remember to do them, but get it out of plain view so that I would quit fretting over getting them done.  As I was changing cat litter, I accidentally punctured a hole in the bag of new litter and it started pouring out all over the tiny space in the laundry room.  So that job turned into a bigger one than I had planned... and I found myself quite tired. Amazing how little stamina I have now.  Tried to see how many push-ups I could do.  One. 

I've been missing my Mom and Dad so much today.  Last time I was dealing with cancer, we talked on the phone daily.  Mom sent a card to me every single day while I was going through treatments.  I know they're watching over me now, but I can't sense them with me.  I feel like an abandoned little girl.  I just want to be with them and laugh and feel their hugs and their love.  I'm aching for the unconditional love of my parents.  I'm aching to look into their eyes and tell them how very much I love them and appreciate all they have done for me.  I'm aching to wrap my arms around those two loving, kind, precious people.

I've taken two long walks on this beautiful day with my dog.  It felt good.  I had to stop once to rest... seemed like a defeat.  But I got up and kept going.  The air felt good, the sunshine felt good, the blossoming trees and flowers were incredible.  I'm sitting now at the computer, with the windows open and the fresh air pouring in.  These things are holding me together today... and the One who provides them.