Awoke this morning feeling great! Had a good day at work. Feeling strong and optimistic. (Stronger than some of my co-workers… whom I had to reassure that I was okay.)
Trotted off to the hospital for heart scan. Supposed to be quick and easy. Got one injection (oh how I love those)… have to wait 20 minutes and get another one… and then they can do scan. I forgot to bring a book to read.
It’s been 45 minutes. Will they have to do the first injection over again if they wait much longer? Asked at desk. She told me they’ll be right with me. Surprise, surprise… I need Kleenex again. I should’ve bought stock in the company. Doesn’t take much to make me cry… sometimes I feel so fragile. So to stop crying I start writing. 55 minutes now… running outta things to write about. I’m angry now. Why did they tell me 20 minutes? I want out of here. Tomorrow’s April 1 – will someone tell me “April Fool’s Jeanne. It’s all been a joke. Go back to your regular life now.” I’ll never leave for an appointment again without a book. Nothing in this stupid waiting room, but a couple torn and tattered magazines without covers, handled by no doubt thousands of sick people, with germs. People always tell me they admire my courage. I’m not courageous. I’m mad, angry. I was perfectly healthy. I was just fine, and in one month, I’ve been poked, prodded, jabbed, stuck, cut and made to WAIT, over and over. I’m done. I’ve smiled enough. I want to yell at someone now. Maybe the girl who told me 20 minutes… over an hour ago! There’s a guy in a chair near me snoring. How can they keep me waiting like this? What if I had an appointment with the Governor and First Lady or something?” “Mrs. Cochran…”
The Men’s Room
Got back from the hospital and went on-line to order my hats and wigs! I was having fun ordering my stuff and suddenly started to sob, wondering what the heck I was doing! I’m an extremely healthy, vibrant (someone recently used that word to describe me) woman… and now someone told me I’m sick. Sick enough to need a medicine so strong I’ll lose my hair! How can this be possible? It’s not the hair. It’s the whole idea that things are suddenly so different. It’s like I took a wrong turn, and can’t find my way back… or walked into the men’s restroom by mistake. Well, not that bad. J
Ric’s Hats
It’s apparently been there since Wednesday… but I just saw it as I was leaving work today:
In Ric’s office, he has a row of caps on top of the cabinet over his desk… WVU cap, Mountain Stage, Duke, WV Symphony Orchestra, WV Power Baseball, etc. The latest addition to “Cap Row” is my white surgical cap!
God Works in Not So Mysterious Ways
Today was the day I swore I would never go to the hospital again without a book… and I come home and find in my mailbox a BOOK from my friend Angela… “Sweet Potato Queens”… perfect! It’s going in my chemo “goody bag.” Now is God watching over me or what? Is God working through family, friends, and even strangers? You bet!
God’s Prescription: Persevere
Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering,
as though something strange were happening to you.
But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ,
so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
- Peter 4:12-13
For the first time… tonight I feel sure that I will get well. Up till now, I’ve wanted to get well, but had doubts.
Though you have made me see troubles,
many and bitter,
You will restore my life again;
From the depths of the earth,
you will again bring me up.
- Psalm 71:20
I have much work ahead of me, and perhaps much suffering… but in the end I will have been through it, and will tell about it, so others will know hope. And I will not just live… I will LIVE… in a grander way than I ever have before.
No comments:
Post a Comment