My daughter, Jill, was longing to help me deal with the
difficulty I was having about the way my body now looks. She said she had no words of wisdom, but
offered this, which are indeed very simple and wise words: “Number one...remember that all of this is temporary.
Number two...this is treatable. Number three...the drain will only be
there for a few days. Number four...who cares what your boob looks
like. Number five...you still have both of your breasts. Number
six...you have family and friends and people you don't even know who are
praying for you and loving you so much. And number seven...hey you are
allowed to feel this way for a while. Cry all you want...get it
out. Then think of all the things you have to be grateful for. Just
look at Amaya in her leotard...that will make anyone laugh.” I was starting to feel better anyway, and
this just tipped me right over the edge.
Perfect words, Jill. Just
perfect. (Four year-old Amaya and her dad are the
long, skinny ones in the family. In
this pic, she’s trying to show off her muscles!)
I’m doing much better emotionally today. I haven’t even needed that one more big
crying time. I’m just working through
some minor physical challenges now. I’m
on the mend!
So much going through my head, and yet I’m having trouble getting
it down on paper. My thoughts are
broken, as I’m working through these little physical things. Like the dreaded drain... and “dreaded” only
because I’m so squeamish. Ric stripped
the line and emptied the drain for me the day I came home and yesterday
morning, but now I’m doing it myself... and the last two times, I did it
without feeling like I was going to pass out!
(Actually, I didn’t do it all by myself... whenever I go to the bathroom
to do this, Bodhi comes with me, and lies on the floor.) Check one on my list of
“accomplishments.” LOL! Anyone who has had lymph nodes removed from
their arm, must immediately begin exercises to retain mobility in the arm. The exercises hurt. But the doctor assures me that the stitches
are not going to rip out. I know this
to be true... I did the exercises in my left arm last time, and have full
mobility. So I’m doing them now, but
get frustrated because I can’t lift my arm higher. I was walking miles a day, and now I can’t lift my arm. So my next little goal is to check off
“having patience” on my accomplishment list!
After having laid down for a nap and when I wake up in the morning, I
have searing pain under my arm when I sit/stand up. I’ve learned to breath easy, let the muscles adjust and the pain
gradually subsides to a tolerable level. So, check one,
check three... still working on the patience thing. I have this desire to go walk for a few miles and do some
push-ups, but first I have to lift my arm.
Patience! Hurry up and get here!
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