Chemo treatments start tomorrow. I keep having this feeling periodically that today’s the last day that’s going to be normal for a while. I feel like I’m going to deal with chemo well… it’s just that it’s going to be a spring and summer that’ll be different… needles, avoiding germs, no hair, medicine, even rest… just stuff that’s not been part of my “normal” day. Plus, it’s an unknown zone. No matter what I read or what others tell me, chemo is different for everyone. Oh well, it’s another leg of the journey. I’m reminded of the bookmark that fell into my lap not long ago: “Don’t worry about tomorrow… God is already there.”
Preparation
Ric and I went to Debbie & Paul’s house (Debbie = Friend/Breast Cancer Survivor). They helped us prepare for tomorrow… advice, answering questions, support and encouragement. The more I know, the better I feel. I think Ric needs not to know so much. I wish this were easier for him.
Random Thoughts Going Thru My Head
Debbie said she gathered from reading my journal that I expect a lot from myself… and that I put a lot of pressure on myself… more than others expect from me. She advised me to stop that right now – and take care of myself first… rest when I need to, say no when I should, etc. And she’s right! I’ll be of no good to anyone if I don’t take this advice. The parent is always instructed to put on the oxygen mask first in an airplane crisis, then put it on the child – so that the parent can care for the child. That’s what I must remember now. Do what’s right and necessary for my health and the rest will follow. It’s easy to write this down – it’ll be harder for me to put it into practice. Why is it so difficult to give myself permission to take it easy, ask for help, rest, say no? Well, girl, you better do it now. It’s your life!
God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble. – Psalm 46:11
God, please be that for Ric and Danny and Jill and Daniel and my little grandkids. Help them to have faith and be strong. Let them know you’re with me, and you’re with them.
I felt so good earlier today, and now I feel sad. I don’t feel sad for me… I feel sad for my family. I hope everybody’s praying for them too.
The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life. – Psalm 121
My life is my family – God is watching over me – and Ric and my children and grandchildren. So, not only do I realize God is talking and walking with me – he’s with all those who are important to me too – he’s concerned with ALL the parts of my life! He’s embracing all of us!
I feel better now… I’m going to read a chapter or two of “The Mermaid Chair” and go to sleep.
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