I didn’t journal this weekend… just too much fatigue… took all my energy to make it through the days.
I remember Saturday being a tough day… only 5 hours sleep… went to work… it was a bit much. Really, really tired. Felt awful by bedtime.
Sunday morning Ric went to church and I slept till 11:00. I definitely needed the rest. Felt better… still somewhat tired… but determined to take it easy today. Ric and I met Rick Johnson at the Power Alley Grill… new restaurant at the ballpark. Sat outside on this absolutely beautiful day. Took our time, eating, talking… so enjoyable and relaxing. Wore my new wig for the first time. Straight hair, a few shades lighter than my old hair. Rick J said, “I didn’t know Ric was bringing his girlfriend!” Our server, Michelle, was so sweet… loves V100… we laughed and talked… a very nice day.
Couldn’t sleep again at night… only about 4 hours. Maybe this time it was because I slept till 11:00!
Back to work on Monday… felt pretty good most of the day. Wore my new wig… got lots of compliments (my co-workers are the best!). The newspaper article appeared in the Gazette today. The only part that I wished I could explain, was the excerpt from my journal on a day I had to wait a long time at the hospital… and I was a bit emotional… wrote about being angry. I fully realize people get behind and waiting is sometimes unavoidable. That day I couldn’t realize it because I was just plain stressed. But my overall experience at the hospital has been more than wonderful… I’ve actually been greatly blessed by the care I’ve received. The doctors and nurses are considerate, patient, warm and caring. I don’t even know how they do it day after day.
Toward the end of the day, I started feeling “spaced out”, emotionally fragile, tired. Tried to hold together until 3:00. Ric and I went on the air together and talked about all the people who’ve done things to help us out. I haven’t even been able to thank everyone for their thoughtfulness and caring. When Ric started mentioning names of people who’ve been there for us just the past several days, I just thought “This is too much… I don’t deserve all this… there are other people who need it more.” And started to cry. Ric quickly wrapped it up on the air. He explained to me that this is a time when God is showering us – through other people – with love and blessings… and I am meant to receive it. I recall a dear friend who’s husband was receiving treatments for cancer a few years ago… and the difficulty she had in receiving help from others. Now I know how hard that is. But Ric’s right… it’s not meant to be hard… I should embrace it. I will. I love giving my children gifts. God loves giving His children gifts… and I’m His child. And like Ric said… I’ll be able to do the same for someone else in the future. I still feel undeserving of so much… there’s more of this lesson I need to learn.
I get home and in the mail is a card and a check from my very special aunt whom I’ve not seen in several years… giving me a monetary gift for “something I probably need,” and telling me she prays for me many times each day. I just cried my heart out… but obviously God is trying to drive the point home that He wants me to feel blessed and loved. (God doesn’t waste any time does He? We just need to recognize it’s Him… and say THANK YOU!) I’m eager to phone my aunt… but I think I’ll wait till tomorrow when I’m more “emotionally stable.”
Took a nap for a couple hours… and woke up feeling much better. Of course, I’ve probably now caused a sleep problem for tonight J!
I just remembered something that happened during the hair-shaving evening. The cats (Mokie & Dot) looked into the bathroom from the hallway… looked at each other… then back at us… as if to say, “Are all of us who are shedding, going to get shaved?” Mokie took off back down the stairs… and Dot, realizing Mokie is the wiser of the two, soon followed!
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