Last chemo this morning!
I still can’t believe I’ve been doing this for 16 weeks… well it’s been 14, about 2 more weeks of side-effects to deal with. At this moment it doesn’t even seem like it’s been so bad. (I only have to re-read my journal to recall I’ve had some tough times.) Probably seems not so bad, because the bad was always mixed with good. Obstacles were overcome, and blessings rushed in.
When Heather, my chemo nurse, took out the IV after chemo today, she smiled big and said, “That’s the last one… you’re done!” I looked at Ric and will never forget the huge smile on his face and his bright eyes. We said together, “We’re finished!” It was a pretty cool moment. The whole room just seemed brighter. God was there too, saying “We did it, kids!”
Obviously I still have 7 or so weeks of radiation, but the worst leg of the journey is over. Radiation will be time consuming… every day… but so much easier on the body.
I didn’t get to see my other chemo nurses today, Terry and Donna. Terry was on another assignment and Donna on vacation… so I missed telling them how much they have meant to me. I did see Linda, my oncology nurse, and we hugged a few times! I have goose bumps and tears in my eyes right now, just thinking about the impact they’ve had on me. The only time I ever feared going to chemo was the first time, when I was scared and didn’t know what to expect. After that, never again. I knew I would be in capable, confident, compassionate and caring hands.
Susan G. Komen
Ric is now on the Board of Susan G. Komen Foundation of West Virginia. Tonight (ironically) was his first meeting. It’s a good group of people, working hard to make a difference in the lives of women with breast cancer… and raising awareness, providing funding for research and diagnostic testing, and so much more. When we first found out I had breast cancer, Ric made some phone calls to find a contact for me, to help answer questions and provide some support and reassurance. He received a quick answer when he contacted the Susan G. Komen Foundation, who immediately gave us the name of someone… Debbie… who has been with us all the way.
Tonight Debbie bought me some pink roses to celebrate the last chemo treatment today. In her card she stated that chemo will now be just a memory. I hadn’t thought of it that way.
Counting Sheep
It’s 2:00 in the morning (technically July 14), and here I am still wide awake… the usual reason… high doses of Decadron at midnight last night and at 6:00 a.m., and then another, smaller, dose at 8:00 this evening. I took a half of an Ambien, but here I am, clicking away on my flat little friend. My body is worn out and tired, yet I toss and turn, flip the covers on and off, am hot and cold. Somehow I thought I would sleep tonight… thought I could “will” myself to sleep. Normally I sleep an hour or two during chemo, but today I just dozed a little. I have not been asleep since 6:00 this, well yesterday, morning… and feel only fatigued now, not sleepy. It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow. Okay, now’s when I’m supposed to say, yes, but this is the last time you’ll go through this, Jeanne. And I’m supposed to smile… and I am… but it’s not a big smile. I just worry how I’ll make it through the day tomorrow. I will not miss work… and I have to go to the hospital to get the Neulasta injection after work. I’m worrying again. I’ve managed before… I will tomorrow too. Besides, I might actually be asleep in an hour or two. Ha ha… funny… my usual routine is 5 or 6… then the alarm goes off at 7:30. I’m just typing needlessly now… I could read, but that’s giving in to sleeplessness. Like this isn’t. Ric’s asleep. Mokie’s asleep at the bottom of the bed. Dot’s asleep in the living room. I know all this… because I’m AWAKE. And I’m beginning to realize I’m just a little hyper. I could get up and do laundry… but then it would probably wake up Ric and the critters. The critters can and will catch up on their sleep tomorrow… but Ric’s gotta work too. I could play the piano, but it’s digital, and we’re painting the room… and I put the cord away and the headphones, and I can’t remember where… so rummaging around opening closets… would wake up Ric. Night time is quiet time. I’ve thought about taking a Benedryl to go to sleep, but probably shouldn’t combine that with a sleeping pill. I won’t. Okay, enough of this… I’ll go back to reading… it’s a quiet thing to do. But maybe instead of reading a good book, I should read something boring! Like this paragraph.
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