Ric and I went to lunch and then to the bookstore in Huntington Mall this afternoon. Had a good time. Laughed, as we recalled how on Friday night our good friend Matt did impersonations of each of us in our “DJ mode.” Hilarious! (And eye-opening!) I laughed till my side hurt!
As we were reading, I noticed a man about our age, coming into the café with an elderly lady, who was walking with a cane. No doubt a son on an outing with his mother. How nice! She sat down at the table and he left to get them something to drink. I continued reading… then noticed some time later that she was still sitting at the table… alone. Looked at the café register, but didn’t see the man who came with her. I looked back at her and noticed that, like me, she had no eye lashes. I felt bad knowing that it was because of old age that she had none… and even worse when I realized how sad her eyes themselves were. There she sat, alone, just staring. I wondered where her son had gone, and just then he came back. Not with drinks in each hand for the two of them… but with a bag of books and magazines for him. He sat down at the table, pulled a magazine out of the bag, turned his chair to the side, opened up and starting reading. There was no conversation. His mother looked at him, eyes hopeful for a minute, then just simply sad again. She stared again… in a new direction. I started to feel anger. He’s probably thinking he’s treating his mom to a nice day, and oh by the way, picking up a few books he’s been wanting. How convenient.
Yes, I was staring too… at them. I prayed also. What should I do, God? Should I go talk to her, offer to get her something to drink? No, I’m not to interfere or intervene.
I prayed the man would talk to her, look her way… it was only across the table.
Soon a lady showed up. The daughter-in-law? She looks nice. Oh, good… someone who will talk to her. And she did… just a few words, then looked to the man. The young woman pulled the chair that was next to the older woman, around to the side of the table next to her husband… and sat next to him. She showed him a picture in a magazine and made hand gestures that indicated “this is how we could do the drapes in our living room…” (By now I was thinking she might have even said, “…in the house after Mother dies.”) The young woman left and the man went back to his magazine. And the older lady resumed staring here and there, occasionally at her son across the table, yearning for a word, or just a glance from him. But nothing.
Even though her eyes were sad, they weren’t empty. I could see life in her. She’s just waiting to laugh, recall a fond memory, re-live a great time from her past. Why can’t I go over there and ask her about her life? It’s not me she wants.
The young woman comes back, reaches a hand out to “Mom,” who picks up her cane with the other hand. The young women nods to the man… and without one word, they all walk out together.
My mind is racing with anger. Will the couple retire for the night and say… “It was good to get Mom out for the day. I hope she appreciates that we gave up our entire day so that she could have a good time. I don’t think she does though. And why did your mother talk on the way home about that ‘sweet little Sarah’? She’s just a nurse for heaven’s sake. We’re her family!”
I’m manufacturing the thoughts and words among the three people. I don’t really know either the relationships between them or the thoughts and feelings any of them had. But the SCENE was played out before me. That was real. Was it played out for me? For what reason?
The obvious reason would be to remember the outrage I felt about what just happened, and never to do it myself… or to tell others what I saw, so they too could be outraged with me. But that’s not it.
There’s something God is giving me an opportunity to realize about my life. Am I the “son”? The “daughter-in-law”? The “old woman”? Or all three in some way?
Dear God… I pray tonight that you reveal to me what it is you want me to know. I already know I’m all three… I’m the son who wants to do the right things in life, but not invest too much time from my busy life. I’m the daughter-in-law who sees someone who needs attention, but says “it’s not my responsibility.” I’m the old woman who sometimes feels alone and worries about mistakes I’ve made that have affected adversely the people I love. I’m even, sometimes, the unseen nurse, who does do the right thing and takes responsibility and doesn’t need any affirmation for it. I’m capable of good… and evil. But I sense there’s more… a very specific lesson… tailored for me… and maybe it’s the thing that troubles me most, but yet unwilling or too afraid to change. Ric said You will not want me to rack my brain or even struggle to figure it out… but that if I only ask You… You will reveal it to me. And he reminds me that Jesus has told us to fully expect that you will answer. So… I’m asking, God… what are you telling me? I know that I’m your child… you love me the way I love my children… and whatever you’re offering me now, is something that’s good for me. What is it that I need to face? What is it I need to let go of? (I’m afraid and I’m struggling… just what you don’t want to be or to do.) And I know that when I get still and quiet… and start looking… you’ll give me the answer. Okay, I’m ready. And I’ll thank You now, because I believe You are good.
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