It’s late. I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about the scene at the bookstore. That little family… who should have been talking, laughing, enjoying each other… but were farther apart than strangers. What was I supposed to learn from them… from my anger and outrage at observing them? I know God will reveal what he wants me to know… just as soon as I’m ready to open my mind, and let him come in. But I think I’m afraid to know. I want to wait till tomorrow, or the next day… but I can’t sleep now… I think he’s telling me there’s no need to wait. No need to be scared, because I’m his child… and he loves me… and wants me to be happy! Okay, God I’m ready to listen.
There are so many things in my life that are not perfect, and things that make me angry… things over which I have no control, and can do nothing about. And I like to be in control… or not so much in control, but to feel secure.
So, I look for a place to put my anger. Sometimes at the “jerk” who cut in front of me in traffic. And sometimes at the loving person closest to me… like my husband.
Sometimes it’s not even really anger… it’s sadness or regret… or worry over things I cannot change. It ends up making me feel uneasy… and sometimes turns into anger.
When we look for something, we find it! So I find some little thing to be angry about. Let it simmer. And soon I’ve assumed enough about the situation to make a complete scenario to fully justify the anger. And sometimes it’s not a little thing… but something that really does seem to justify anger… but I only see it from my point of view.
All that really matters in our lives are our relationships. Financial troubles and material things come and go. Of course material things that we treasure, are treasured because of the memory they prompt us to recall… of a relationship. (The beautifully finished wooden box that sits on my piano that Danny made for me when he was in high school… the sock snowman that I get out every Christmas that Jill made when she was little… the “birthday rock” my Mom and Dad gave me one year… the dried roses in a vase from the first bouquet Ric gave to me, and ticket stubs from an event we enjoyed together… all bring back memories of another time… time spent with people I love.)
That’s it! What we most want to do is share our love, our recollections, our hopes for the future… laugh together… and keep making new memories and special moments… instead of worrying about things we can’t change. We can only do the best we can with those things, and take them a step at a time. Otherwise we waste precious hours, months, or years. Why not spend our days finding ways to preserve important relationships?
PRESERVE OUR RELATIONSHIPS. Don’t look for more reasons to be angry… instead take the time to see things differently. Differently… from another perspective. Find a reason to understand… and keep loving. Relationships… that’s all we need… all that matters. Preserve them at all costs.
It may not always be easy to know how to do that, but it may help to remember the bookstore café scene… and think… where am I in this particular situation? Am I being the selfish son, the indifferent daughter-in-law, the old lady who feels broken and disillusioned? How can I be the compassionate nurse?
God, help me to always recognize a relationship that is worth saving, worth rising above my selfish pride, worth taking the time to nurture. Guide me to reach beyond my feelings of helplessness and make changes in myself that make me more loving and give me peace of mind. Remind me that there’s always another perspective from which to see things. Make me less self centered and more ready to find what I can do to befriend or to be kind to someone today. Let me not forget that we all suffer when we quit caring.
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