Woke up yesterday morning to the yucky leg pain… took a pain pill, but it just wouldn’t go away. It just got worse so quickly… and I started crying. Ric was already up, and heard me… came in and helped me to relax. Eventually it eased up. So I’m back into this for several days now… and I need to remember to “keep ahead of the pain” as Dr. Cohen said… take the medicine regularly and as soon as I feel the pain starting. I’ll manage this. And I’ll also remember that it’s this time… then one more time, one more chemo… and I’m done!
Went to work, hung out at the bookstore… a good day. Pain came back in the late evening… and was pretty bad throughout the night. Not a lot of sleep.
Went to church this morning. Wonderful sermon about healing… and the difference between being cured and being healed. Healing is when we reach a place of loving harmony with ourselves, others, and God. We have to be open to the opportunities God presents us to heal… a time to heal. We all have had wounded bodies, broken hearts, damaged emotions, scarred memories, and fractured relationships. God touches us in times of hurting… often through other people offering to help and befriend us… or presenting us with a path that will help us move forward. We can choose to accept or not… we can stay broken… or we can open up to restoration and reconciliation… and be healed.
For my current physical problems, I have found healing already. I’m not finished with the treatments yet… plus I still have pain and lots of other side effects. But I’m living a good life while all this is going on. I’ll be glad when all the side effects have gone, but I don’t need them to be gone to be happy now. I didn’t feel this way immediately after the cancer diagnosis… it took time. The time did come… and I think the healing started even before the chemotherapy began.
As to the healing of emotional wounds… I think it means that first of all, we have to remember we can’t change the past. But we can reach a new agreement with God… and ourselves… about how we live our lives now. We can let God inside us, stir us up and mix us around a bit, so that we see our lives in a new way, with a changed focus… restored to the loving persons He intends us to be… healed. Some of the things that cause us pain may still be a part of our lives, so our problems may not be eliminated or cured, but… if we respond in a different way… if we can give love and believe we are loved… then we are healed.
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