2/19/12 - Tree of Knowledge

after the thunder

eager sun breaks through the clouds

making all things new

(~haiku by ric)

At a recent remote broadcast, I met a nice lady who listens to V100 all the time.  As we chatted about my current bout with breast cancer, Karen said to me, "Sometimes the things we go through are for other people."  I was speechless for a moment as this incredible thought sunk in.  She said, "Think about how many things we have gone through, and how they have benefited others.  Yes, sometimes the things we go through and how we deal with them is for the benefit of someone else."

Oh my... she's right!  There are so many people who have been in and out of my life, who have left a positive impact and impression on me.  These encounters (whether they seemed good or bad at the time) have pointed me in new directions and have led me to where I am at this moment.  (And at this moment, my head is being flooded with faces of family, friends, people I've worked with before and work with now, teachers, pets, ex-husbands...)

I am using my current circumstances to enlighten others about the importance of taking responsibility for our own health.  But why not?  Since I already have breast cancer, and have a public forum (radio) in which to speak about it, why not share information, so that others might have a better chance of dealing with it?

BUT... if God had asked me to have breast cancer to help others, would I have said, "YES?"  Probably... but with many conditions!  "Sure, God, but can we wait until I'm a little more prepared?"  "Oh yes, I'll be glad to, especially if you would go ahead and let me know exactly when I'll be cured.  That would help me get thru everything so much easier."  "You know I love you God, but I do have my family, and I think this would be too hard on them."  "I can do that, God, but not today.  Can you check back with me in a few days, months, years..."  Okay, so I probably wouldn't even had said "yes."

I'm not sure Karen meant that we do things like this solely for others.  Certainly, I'm learning a lot for myself in this journey.  Perhaps it's that we do things for others, and then we get a blessing as well!  Perhaps it's just a reminder to me not to be self-focused at any point in this journey, but to use every step as a way to help others.  Is that the LIGHT on this path?  Because I definitely always see the light... even in my dark moments, I still see the Light!

The following is probably the quote that most affects how I want to life my life.  When I first saw it about a year ago, I didn't like the word "doomed" and wanted to retype the quote, leaving it out... but because it did trouble me and make me squirm, I left it as is, propped up at my desk at home.  It has now come to mean to me that sometimes we do have to suffer.  How can anyone ever learn anything from someone who hasn't gone through a trial of some sort?  As Henri Nouwen has said, it's the wounded healer that can make a difference.  Thank you, Karen, for helping me to further understand.  I know there are more layers of meaning yet to come.