Picked up my car after work – an expensive mistake! But maybe it was really not so costly – perhaps yesterday’s incident actually gave me notice… saving me from something more serious?
On my way to the hospital for my doctor’s appointment, I realize I’m not feeling that good for the day before chemo. With the first four treatments, I fought nausea and severe fatigue the first week after treatment, but then the week before I usually felt great… like nothing was wrong. With the new treatment, there was no nausea, but I have had fairly severe bone pain, and the aches associated with the fever. The fatigue is not as bad as before… but I didn’t get that week reprieve. I feel like I’m a little more than half way through a marathon, and want to make it to the end, but am having second thoughts… it’s my first marathon, and it’s tougher than I thought it would be, more than I bargained for. Of course, with chemo, I don’t have the choice to drop out and call for a ride! But from time to time I think, “Can I go the distance?”
As I was going through the parking lot… reached a point where I needed to make a turn… and some guy in one of those big 4-wheel drive trucks, with a king cab, extended bed, and a trailer hitch, was backing up… and turning into me! I was in a position where I could only back up a foot or two because other people would soon be coming around the corner behind me. The guy in the truck looked out his window and said… in a very derogatory tone… “Hey lady, ain’t you got reverse in that thing?” Being the good Christian ‘lady’ that I am, I proceeded to put my car in park… forcing him to maneuver back and forth seven more times! I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, and yet I took great pleasure in just sitting there. I think I enjoyed simply having some control.
Had blood drawn as usual to check counts before tomorrow. Met with Dr. Cohen and of course told him about yesterday morning’s accident. At first he was perplexed (apparently not a usual problem associated with chemotherapy). I related Ric’s description about how I appeared to be just a half-step away from reality. He asked me lots of questions… the last one being “Did you take any different medication?” “Yes! I had taken an Ambien the night before, but the accident occurred 9-10 hours later.” Ah, that was the problem! There can be lingering effects in some people. I told him I felt nothing strange or unusual, until the minute before and right after the incident. He explained that the effects are very, very subtle – the person taking the medication will not notice anything… but other people definitely will… it will be obvious to them that something is different. So, from now on I should take only ½ the dosage when I’m going to be driving the next morning. No problem. I usually do not take the Ambien, because the pain medication makes me sleepy. I took the Ambien, because the bone pain hadn’t been as bad. Actually, I was really relieved to find the answer was a specific medication. I can fix that! If it was just a general side effect of chemo, how would I ever know when my mind would just “drop out?” Adjusting the meds? Fixable!
Yesterday’s incident affected only me and my car… no one else was involved! Maybe on another day, I could have had a problem driving, and caused a serious accident that could have hurt others. Yesterday morning was a blessing in disguise.
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