I’m sick, in pain. What can I do with it? Does the disease own me, or do I own it? Every day, I make the decision to stay in bed, or get up and go to work. Every day. I wake up in the morning feeling tired, sick or in pain… or all three… and it would be so easy (and who would blame me?) to stay put.
But each time, I trust that I’ll feel better. If not, I can always go back to bed, come back home. I can deal with the pain at home, OR when I’m out and about. If I go somewhere, I’m not entirely focused on the pain. At work, I’m distracted with things to do. At the ballpark, there are breezes in the air, people mingling about, activity – can’t possibly be focused only on the pain. Anything I do that keeps me on the move… is not only a distraction from the difficulties… but also a blessing in my day.
I’ve missed some work days, but those were days after chemo that I definitely needed to rest and recover, or days that chemo takes several hours. There’s clearly a difference between those “chemo days” and the days when I’m wondering if I should stay home or go… when there appears to be at least somewhat of a choice. When I can see that glimmer of light… that things may get better if I get up and go – that’s when I make the decision.
If I would give in to my desire to stay in bed, the next day I would find it easier to stay in bed the next day. Staying in bed could become a habit. I would eventually not be able to see that light. I would have obscured my own vision. I must constantly be vigilant.
The other thing that would happen, in my case, would be to fall into depression… too much time to think about all that has happened to me physically, and maybe even imaginings and worries of all that could go wrong. By constantly living each day, I march forward to getting well. I get up out of bed, and continue the part of my mission that is to heal and become healthy again!
Cancer came as an uninvited guest, but I can learn from all things. So I will learn the lessons Big C can teach me… but it will not take over. It will move on… as all uninvited guests should:-)! I have choices! God is guiding me and giving me the power to make decisions. I realize I feel out of control often, but now I can see that just by making the decision to live every day, I do have some control… at least by my attitude. Sure I feel bad a lot, physically and sometimes emotionally… but by golly, I can still choose how to live my day. Stumble from time to time? Sure. But I put my feet back in my shoes… and keep going.
That’s what I’ve found to be the key to getting through this or any illness or problem… make the DECISION every day… one day at a time… to move FORWARD.
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