Day after lumpectomy… I stayed home today of course. Ric played a song for me on the air… You Are So Beautiful. And I knew that no matter what my body would go through, I would still be beautiful to Ric. That made me happy, but I still cried.
Crying comes and goes so suddenly. When I feel like crying there’s no thinking about whether I should or shouldn’t, no trying to hold back, no wondering if I should be stronger… it’s okay to cry when you have Cancer.
So hard to say the word out loud.
I’m wondering today what others are thinking… what they’ll say when they hear… what they’ll say to me.
To The Books
Started reading again today… old books I already had, with information I trusted. I don’t expect doctors and nurses to do it all for me… I want to do things to put myself in a positive, “receptive to healing” state! I Have Decided!
I’d Like the Extended Warranty, Please (I’ll Pay Extra...)
I’ve been thinking so far, “Lord I can get through this (fear, surgery, radiation, chemo, pain, etc.) and help others… if I just know that I will get well. Now I realize that I’m not getting a guarantee… not knowing is part of the journey. There aren’t any guarantees anyway… we just usually don’t deal with the reality.
I’ve got to go through the whole experience – no special circumstances for me. This doesn’t mean I can’t have hope… I do! I am visualizing myself whole and healthy. It may be more than a “walk around the block” to get there, but I will!
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